Autobiography: Approaching the Blog

Son Steve has called my bluff, even if he doesn’t know it. Even if I don’t quite understand the image of a bluff. We use such images with the confidence that we and our listeners know what we are talking about. A bluff is a poker term and I have rarely played poker. But I have watched movies and have a superficial feeling about what a bluff is and think the image fits my current situation.

I have told myself, and others, for decades that I would write the story of my life. I have kept wondering why I say that but haven’t done it. It has been a bluff, the posture of being a serious writer with something precious locked away in my brain. Finally Steve has said, “Mom, let me set up a blog online for your writings.” As in poker, he is insisting on seeing if I actually have the book inside that I can bring into existence through the computer.

Do I? Yesterday I vowed to spend two hours a day writing for the blog. A few days before that I started a story of an event that occurred when I was twenty. I found I needed to put so much into the story to explain the situation, I realized I needed to write about my life chronologically and reveal the backstory in that way.

So, yesterday I wrote. Not a problem; I don’t suffer from writer’s block. I suffer from delaying the commitment. When my fingers go onto a keyboard, the words appear almost without thought on the screen. Getting my fingers onto the keyboard has always been the problem. Procrastination! Poor scheduling of time! Enjoying the fantasy of writing instead of the reality!

The stories of my life have entertained me in the recesses of my brain, have entertained others when I would verbalize them, have shimmered as a promise of “some day I’ll write them!” Yesterday, I saw those stories as pieces of a huge jigsaw puzzle, daunting in its size and still jumbled into a pile of pieces that need to be turned over and sorted before even beginning on the outline, the edge pieces that limit the size and content.

I love jigsaw puzzles, have since my first memories. So, today the waiting blog spot and the barely started organization are not so intimidating. Hang in there, grandkids. You’ll get the full story yet. Whether you want it or not.

Love, Grandma